Supporting someone else who’s experienced sexual violence or harassment
Advice and guidance on ways to support someone else who’s been affected by sexual violence or harassment.
These pages are intended for students supporting another person. If you’re a member of University staff supporting a student, refer to our guidance for staff.
In an emergency
- If you or someone else is in immediate danger or seriously injured call 999.
- If you or someone else is on campus, you can call Security Services 24 hours a day, 365 days a year on +44 114 222 4444 or use the SafeZone app.
- If an incident has just happened, try and find somewhere you and the other person feel safe.
Overview
If you know (or think you know) someone who’s been affected by sexual violence or harassment, it may be hard to know what to do or how to feel. That’s okay. There are lots of ways in which you can help support someone affected.
It’s common for people’s reactions to vary; they may be scared, angry, withdrawn or have no obvious outward reaction at all. They might even behave in ways that seem unusual to you, for example laughing at seemingly inappropriate times.
Disclosures (telling someone about an experience) can come in many forms; it could be something said jokingly, a story that someone starts to tell then stops and says it doesn't matter, or it could be a question. The way in which you respond to someone choosing to trust you with their disclosure can be really important.
It’s vital that you listen, believe and support them. Never pressure someone into making choices.
Whether their experience was recent or a long time ago, there is support available.
What to do if someone shares their experience with you
Talk and listen
Talking about how they feel can be as helpful, or sometimes more helpful, than talking about the details. Be patient and let them tell you as little or as much as they want at their own pace, without interrupting. Take their lead on this.
Stay calm, be empathetic, reassuring and show your concern. Try to listen without being judgemental or directing them.
Avoid probing for details. Let them tell you what’s happened in their own time. You’re not investigating the incident and don’t need to know every detail to be able to support them.
Believe and validate
Tell them that you believe them, and avoid:
- using common sayings that can minimise how they’re feeling (even if this isn’t your intention), for example ‘It will all be better with time’ or, ‘Are you sure the other person meant it like that?’
- asking questions which can imply blame or responsibility, for example ‘What were you wearing?’, ‘Were you drinking?’ or ‘What did you say first to make them respond like that?’.
- showing disgust or shock
- smirking or showing obvious disbelief
- asking questions such as, ‘Why didn’t you say something straight away?’, ‘Why are you only coming forward now?’
- trivialising or downplaying their experience
Ask them what they need
You can simply ask them what they need or want. They might not make the same decision you would, but only they can decide what’s best for them.
Help them explore options, but avoid telling them what they should or shouldn’t do. Allow them to stay in control of the conversation and of their decisions.
Signpost and support
They may not want to or be ready to report to the police or University. You can still support them by signposting them to support information for later reference.
Never pressure someone into reporting. If they don’t want to discuss their options at this time, that’s okay, let them go at their own pace. It doesn’t matter if you believe it’s the right thing to do, this is about them and their choices, not yours.
Things to consider
- In most cases of sexual violence, the perpetrator is known to the other party. This can bring feelings of confusion about what they’ve experienced. It can also make it feel difficult to share their experience with friends out of concern for not being believed or causing problems in friendship groups.
- Lots of people know about the ‘fight or flight’ response, but there are also other responses that are common when we experience trauma - these are freeze, flop and friend.
- Harassment can play into negative social stereotypes or prejudices which are likely to have impacted the person you’re supporting before. Even if the incident seems trivial to you, it’s important to remember that they are likely to have experienced multiple greater or lesser incidents throughout their life.
Support for the person you’re supporting
Support within the University
If another University of Sheffield student tells you that they’ve experienced sexual violence or harassment, you can signpost them to Report + Support - the University's online disclosure platform. Sharing their experience via Report + Support will ensure that support and guidance can be offered to them by specialist support staff in our Safeguarding and Welfare team or Sexual Violence Liaison Officer (SVLO) Service.
It’s also possible for you to disclose the incident to the University in order to access further information and support. Report + Support allows you to select whether you’re filling in a disclosure on another person’s behalf. It will then guide you through the process step by step.
Completing a disclosure form does not have to trigger reporting processes. You or they can access support from our teams without having to take forward a report.
Further support information
Along with Report + Support, you can also signpost the person you’re supporting to our support pages for more information about the University support available, as well as external support.
Support for students who’ve experienced harassment and/or discrimination
Support for you
You may feel as though you need support too, even if the experience didn’t directly happen to you. Make sure you also look after yourself and if you need support, ask for it.
If you submit a Report + Support disclosure, our specialist staff will provide information and advice to help you support another student.
Our Student Wellbeing Service (student login required) can offer tailored one-to-one support to help you manage and make sense of what you’re experiencing.
You can access mental health support from our Student Mental Health, Counselling and Therapies Service (student login required).
If you’re living in University Residences, you can also access support via the Residence Life team (student login required).